Encouragement - We all Need It!

A woman was in my office last week and told me about this story, "after 20 years of marriage my husband came home and said, 'I'm not in love with you anymore' and that was it!"  Did you ever notice how we would rather replace the people in our lives who have disappointed us, rather than deal with the issues that have separated us?  I must admit that I am a BIG abuser of my own observation.  Often we have a parent who has let us down, a child we have given up on, or a spouse who has left us for a younger woman.  Unfortunately, I know way too many people who have experienced the ladder.  Too many men get to an age where they realize they are getting old and going to die so they start looking for someone to replace their aging, aching wife who is their constant reminder of them getting old.  

Replacing people has become much too common place, not only in our culture but I've seen it in the Latin, Italian, and Irish cultures as well.  I have a feeling that if people really wanted respect, they would learn to respect others.  It is disrespectful to throw someone away.  It is insulting to have shared your life with someone and then have them say "I don't need you anymore."  Chances are, that person you are discarding or trying to replace IS the very person you NEED in your life!  If someone accepts you fully and completely you should get on your knees and thank God because that is indeed a blessing and a gift.  But still we look.  Why?  I think it has something to do with discouragement.  

When we get frustrated or discouraged we can either fight to make a change or quit and look for something better.  Many quit and look for that better wife, better friend, better personal relationship, because there is some excitement in the mystery of finding out if the other person is interested in you.  "Hmmm," we say, "now she might be able make me feel the way I want to feel!"  True, new people talking all nice and sexy to us does make us feel young and exciting, but give me a break people!  Look in the mirror, you are probably old, bald, wrinkly, and out of shape. What the other person probably sees in you is not sex appeal.  You know what it is?  Here it comes....ready?  It's the attention YOU give them that makes THEM feel young, exciting and sexy!  That is the humor in the whole thing!  It's not about YOU at all, it's about THEM!   Damn, that hurts when you figure it all out.  

I think if we all just took a little bit more time to encourage the people God has put in our lives, they would be more than happy to encourage you back.  If you told them how beautiful they were or how much you appreciate them, they would shower you with the same affection.  

Encouragement is not the opposite of self-loving, it is a synonym for self-giving.

Let's try to remember to thank the people God has put into our lives.  Let us take the blinders off and look with loving eyes at one another.  And most important, let us look beyond the outside and beyond our own discouragements to see the inner beauty God has given us.  That is seeing others through the eyes of Christ.  


  1. I truly agree with this one amiga. I have a very good friend whose husband did just that. She gave him over 15 years of her life with 3 children and one day he said adios, you are not what I want. She never even saw it coming nor even realized he had cheated on her numerous times and neither did any of her family and friends. I pray for her every day that she gets the healing that she needs.


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